Maternity Returning: Guilt

Guilt tends to come with the territory when it comes to returning to work. Though there may be a variety of reasons why a return to work makes sense, many women grapple with guilt about ‘abandoning’ their children. Even if staying at home was never going to be an option, it’s like we are hormonallu programmed by guilt and worry about leaving our child in the care of someone else. I hear that the level of guilt felt by mothers who stay at home is just as high, for different reason. We are trapped between a rock and a hard place here.
It goes without saying that you will have carefully researched childcare and chosen the best possible ‘fit’ for your child. Try to remember this important fact – they will be in good hands while you are at work. Focus on all those fantastic life skills they’ll be learning, too – independence, social skills and interacting with a whole new set of children and adults. And keep in touch with your childcarer, especially during those early days back at work – and believe them when they tell you your child is happy!

One useful tip is that it’s vitally important to try and be positive about the new change to your family’s routine. Guilt = stress, which your child will undoubtedly pick up on, which could make your child difficult to settle into their childcare. The more difficult the settling in period, the more guilty parents will feel – a real vicious circle…

But if the guilt is really getting to you, perhaps the next step is to see if your employer will consider a more flexible working arrangement, which might fit better around your family.

In the early days you’ll doubtless feel tired, which could compound feelings of guilt. Try to take things easy and don’t pack in too much on the days when you are at home with your child – resist the temptation to ‘make up for mummy being at work’ by spending your days off or weekends rushing from one action-packed activity to another. 

Try to clearly define work life and home life. If you feel your job is encroaching on homelife you’ll start to feel very pressurised – turn your mobile off and keep email checking to a minimum. Making sure your child has some quality time with you during your days off is vital in stopping those guilty feelings creeping in again…

To learn more of Rebecca’s work click here: The Daemon Career Coach