Is ‘Shame’ Stopping Your Career Progress?
Career Coach Slam: How did we get to this place? The place where we slam ourselves down for not being able to do everything we ‘should’on our own?
Where is the shame in asking for help? I know that I spent the first 25 years pretending that I knew what I was doing and refusing to ask for help. I guess I thought that was just my own slightly dysfunctional family that led me to be this way…..
But…. a decade into practicing as a coach and I meet client after client, irrespective of gender, who believe they should be able to solve their difficulties alone. People who believe they need to generate new actions and trajectories in isolation. Individuals who want to develop new career plans and directions and berate themselves for not being able to see new perspectives without having new sources…
I googled ‘why the British don’t ask for help’ and got little in return… But I see it daily… I see people who have got themselves into such painful places regards their work, lives, and relationships before they break their silence and reach out.
Maybe millennials are doing it differently… exiting uni knowing they need support. But those of us born in the 60s and 70s it can still feel like an extremely difficult thing to do to let others know what’s going on in our insides.
Career Coach Slam
Yet, how can we know who we are if we do not see the reflections of ourselves in other? How can we refine our coping strategies if we don’t hear how others do it. How can we believe in ourselves when we constantly compare our insides with what others are presenting on the outside. And how can we play to our strengths if we continue to hide our uniqueness and feel like they are our shame…
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When my life crashed and burned when I was 26 I was forced to speak of who and how I was. Such freedom in honesty, such strength from authenticity, such trust in relationships built in the world.. and why not ‘buy in the expertise’ others have in order to ease or further our journey. And why feel ashamed of who we are?
If I can give permission for others to be vulnerable by being open about myself… If I continue to walk my talk and take risks and ask questions. If I can seek support and learn and grow from my experiences, if I can invite others to begin to do the same then just imagine what a human business community we can be…