On asking my husband what to blog about, he, possibly slightly passive-aggressively, suggested ‘assertiveness’. I giggled as a watched he’s him unwillingly wielding the hoover and began. Having come from a household where, as the only child of two teachers, I had always found it rather difficult to have my small opinion heard, I moved out into the grown-up world rather confused about ‘the rules’ regarding I could and couldn’t ask for. It has taken me several decades to choose my stance.


Having veered from never asking at all, to agonising over what was right, to trying to take what I needed secretly, and thus never risking getting a ‘no’ at all, I have finally settled on complete transparency. There is a sort of grounded feeling in knowing I have the absolute right to ask for something. There is also a great trust in the people who surround me, and in the universe, that they are all perfectly entitled to say; ‘Yes’ or ‘No’ in return. I will survive a ‘No’. I will find another way to achieve the same end. Wikipedia states that:

“assertiveness is the quality of being self-assured and confident”

I have to say that I almost entirely disagree with this statement: Self-assurance and confidence come as a RESULT of  Assertiveness. In the beginning, there is merely ‘fake it to make it’ from a quivering individual! Keep doing it, assertiveness gets easier with practice!

Assertiveness is the adult way. This way means that in business or pleasure, the negotiations can take place. When both parties are clear about their agenda and about their limitations, it is possible to have honesty and genuine discussion. Risk and trust. This risk and trust remove the internal agony of choosing the right way to ask and also provides the opportunity to uncover each other’s real wants and needs. For me, transparency and the resulting equality, are the way. As they side to me ‘Up North’, “If you don’t ask you don’t get”. In your career, it is always asking because you just might receive all that you need. Try it.

You will find Rebecca here at the Daemon Career Coach