How to Stop

There are broadly two types of people. Those who cannot seem to start and those who refuse to stop. The two personality types, the active and the passive, can drive each other slightly insane when they are in their default setting. This is as true in my marriage as it is in any other partnership be they business or pleasure!
The reality however is that ‘two of me’ in my marriage might well lead to murder. I actually need my equal and opposite to balance my relentless attitude towards ‘getting things done’. If, like me, you gain huge satisfaction from ticking things off the to-do list, then you belief that ‘all good things come to those who wait’, may be low. My belief is ‘If you want it, then go and get it!’.
This approach is not always appropriate or indeed effective. Some things in life do need to be set down and allowed to mature. Fine wines, fabulous gardens, and well thought through ideas take time. Proposals for new ventures need to be explored, put away and refined at a later date. Seeking a fulfilling career path, designing a workshop, putting a funding bid in, none of these are best served at one sitting. There needs to be time to digest the bit of information consumed before we can effectively process any more. Integration occurs in the spaces in between.
So how can we make these ‘spaces’? When we are of an ‘active’ preference, how on earth can we stop?
First rule. Quitting alone rarely lasts. If I take chocolate out of my diet….. And leave a gap…. I will fairly swiftly relapse. If I take chocolate out of my diet I am more likely to be successful if I fill that space with something else. I need to consciously choose to do something different at those chocolate eating moments…. And I need to consciously reward myself for doing so. Eating celery won’t cut it, but a few yoga stretches until the moment passes, then spending monies saved on fresh flowers for myself, might just see me through until my taste buds refresh and my attitude accommodates this change.
Similarly if you are a ‘doer’, then ‘sitting and trusting’ is going to frustrate you. What you can do as a substitute for the ‘doing’ in those moments is shift down a couple of gears to take your focus away from that really valuable and intense thing that needs its own space.
Take your attention away from both ‘it’ and from your brain. Do something practical that brings you right into the here and now. Make something, plant something, read something and escape altogether, get up on your feet and walk, run or even swim through it, anything to distract your focus.
You see the brain is a very clever thing. When we leave it to its own devices and quit forcing it to be a certain way, it processes information in its own unique and extraordinary way. During this phase it generates its own amazing solutions to problems you could previously see no answers to all. As we continue with our day, our brain really is doing the work on our behalf.
So, if your forehead is hurting from the bruising it is receiving from a brick wall you have in front of you, do something else. Let your brain take the strain and see just what it can do on your behalf whilst you engage with something enjoyable.

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