Remember To Design it Your Way

Spending time with a colleague this morning I was noticing how she was comparing her inside feelings, with my outside self. Interestingly enough, she came off worse. Not in any way because I am doing any better than her. but because she was measuring her vulnerable emotions against an engineered facade.
This is not to say that I am not authentic. I am pretty real must of the time. This is how I operate. Nevertheless, what all humans present to the world is protective of our internal worlds. It might be congruent, but still not show all those fears and joys we feel every day because it would not be safe for us to walk around wearing those on the outside of us. It is adult to handle them with care and only expose them where we feel at our very safest.
So if you are feeling low or tired or vulnerable for any of life’s varied reasons, it is really easy to look at others and begin to compare yourself with them. This begins a spiral into the descent that is called ‘feeling less than’. Every individual we measure ourselves with will appear to be doing something better than us. Earning more, being promoted faster, living in better kept homes with children who achieve more….
But we are neglecting to honor two things in this seemingly logical equation. Firstly, that we know little of that person’s whole reality: we may not know that whilst their professional world is flourishing, their marriage is in pieces. We may not know that their dynamic in business is driven by the fears that to swallow them in the dark hours. We rarely have knowledge of what keeps others awake at night!
The second reason our metric is unfair to ourselves is that the strengths others possess and their way of doing things is not the same as ours. We have different strengths, we have different motivations and loves. Thus we can never compare ourselves with any other living being, fairly, from our inside perspective.
What we are is totally unique. All of us. What we can do is work with what we have. What we can do is listen to ourselves and nourish our strengths and joys. What we can do is quit trying to do it someone else’s way and internalising other people’s ‘shoulds & oughts’. Instead we can choose to honour just who and how we are, play to our strengths and design it our way!
Remember that seeking expert advice is invaluable certain times, but, when push comes to shove, you are the expert in you! 
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